Posts by Kenneth Caldwell at Nintendo Wii Fanboy

Kenneth Caldwell
Ann Arbor, MI - http://

Kenneth is eyes wide into the night, room illuminated in electric blue.

Once he tried to give up gaming in favor of "real life things," but he ended up addicted to Bejeweled 2 Deluxe on his cell phone, specifically to the competitive online mode in which he could vent his frustrations by shouting at anonymous opponents. He has since recovered and is back to playing Finer Games which include, but are in no way limited to Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia, N+, Wario Land: Shake It!, Tetris Party and anything Mario.

He sometimes dramatizes video game soundtracks.

Send him mail at kenneth.caldwell@weblogsinc.com.

Kenneth Caldwell
Ann Arbor, MI - http://

Kenneth is eyes wide into the night, room illuminated in electric blue.

He sometimes dramatizes video game soundtracks.

Send him mail at kenneth.caldwell@weblogsinc.com.

It's-a Mario World: Super Educational

Posted Nov 14th 2008 11:45PM by Kenneth Caldwell
Filed under: It's-a Mario World

Greetings, Mario fanatics young and old! Finally, after innumerable requests and a handful of death threats, we are responding to high demand for a gallery wholly dedicated to educational Mario games. Awesome, let's learn! So, what is it Mario is going to be teaching us anyway?

As it turns out, quite a lot. His heroic deeds over the years have promoted such abstract virtues as bravery, selflessness and chivalric duty, but at the end of the day, hands-on skills and craftiness are to be rewarded. Rarely has Mario demonstrated his alleged ability to install and repair plumbing (aside from setting flame to the occasional pipe-dwelling piranha plant), and one must wonder whether he ever spends time away from his eccentric and widely-varied hobbies, like being an athlete in virtually any sport and solving picture logic puzzles. Does Mario know anything worth teaching? Ride a hyperlink over to our new gallery stuffed with pedagogy and find out! Oh, and bring a notepad.

It's-a Mario World is a weekly feature in which the ubiquity of Nintendo's flagship character is celebrated: We'll incessantly ruminate about mustache wax, debate the curious whereabouts of the princess and covet the luminous power stars strewn about the galaxy. Check back here every Friday to find out what strange and wonderful thing has got us tipping our caps.

It's-a Mario World: Yoshi Spinoffs

Posted Nov 7th 2008 10:05PM by Kenneth Caldwell
Filed under: It's-a Mario World

Remember last night when we broke into spontaneous discussion about Yoshi during our weekly Game Night assembly? Oh, that's right, you weren't there for some lame reason, opting instead to race computer-controlled players in a sad, lonely session of Mario Kart's single player Grand Prix. For shame. Just know that you missed a hell of a time, and although Yoshi was only mentioned in passing (i.e. the word "Yoshi" was typed once or twice), you still should have been there to see it happen. Maybe next Thursday, then?

But isn't it high time we payed tribute to Mario's egg-dispensing, always-hungry dinosaur steed? Yoshi has been around since the prevalence of big, bulky cartridges, and while he has not always played a large role in Mario's adventures, his lovable character has spawned a handful of spinoff titles that exist almost entirely without Mario's help (well, sort of--only one of the Yoshi games have "Mario" in the title). Our new gallery spotlights Yoshi then & now, detailing all of his starring roles in between. Now saddle up, unfurl your tongue and gobble down everything in sight.

It's-a Mario World is a weekly feature in which the ubiquity of Nintendo's flagship character is celebrated. Check back here every Friday to find out what strange and wonderful thing has got us tipping our caps. For additional Mario jollies, sing along here or express your U.S. nationalism by experiencing this strange flash game which finds president-elect Barack Obama and Super Mario World inextricably combined. Wow.

It's-a Mario World: Curious Costumes

Posted Oct 31st 2008 6:15PM by Kenneth Caldwell
Filed under: It's-a Mario World

Costumes are an integral part of any proper Halloween celebration, and we didn't have it in our little video gaming hearts to exclude Dear Mario from today's internationally recognized festivities. This is because we are obsessively enamored with Him, yes, sometimes to the extent of unnecessarily capitalizing pronouns, but also because we are under a rigorous blogging contract by penalty of death. Thus, we come to your monitor on this spooky evening with a mind for Mario's unconventional garb.

It isn't often that we see Mario dressed in anything other than his trademark overalls. Even in his more athletic role he seems to prefer his mainstay red and blue outfit, however constricting and warm it may be, topped with his all-too-familiar cap. So any time we see him decked out in a fancy suit or in powered up form, we do a double take. Today we have gone ahead and compiled some of these less usual costumes in a new gallery that will FRIGHTEN and AMAZE, probably. Get to it!

It's-a Mario World: Mushroom Matriarchy

Posted Oct 25th 2008 9:23PM by Kenneth Caldwell
Filed under: It's-a Mario World

This week we knew we wanted to talk about females in the Mario universe, but we couldn't decide on an angle. "Mario's Love Life"? Too scandalous. "Damsels in Distress"? Anti-feminist. It seems almost offensive to feature a gallery with such a generalized premise as female characters (as opposed to something as specific as Rare Koopa Kids and Underrated Mini-Bosses Golfing at E3). But then we realized, maybe the mere fact that there are hardly enough major female characters to populate a gallery substantiates the need for one. Women are criminally underrepresented in Mario games and in the industry at large, but today we'd like to call attention to some of the lovely ladies shining through an otherwise testosterone-fueled bachelor party.

Most female characters in Mario adventure games are ridiculously susceptible to kidnapping and all manner of perilous occasion. Today, though, let's look at them without the cliched rescue plot and inane stereotyping. Here's a gallery of females worth giving all of your lives for.

It's-a Mario World: Fan Art

Posted Oct 17th 2008 8:10PM by Kenneth Caldwell
Filed under: It's-a Mario World

This week has been relatively quiet in terms of Mario-related news, but should that deter us from our regularly scheduled plumber fanfare? If you answered "yes," you're wrong. It was a trick question. Today is Friday and we are going to damn well talk about Mario. We don't take this feature lightly. In fact, each Friday the WiiFanboy offices are rife with Mario cosplay and Mush Kingdom decor. We even release various species of turtles and name them after the Koopa Kids to keep us company during the course of the rigid blogging workday.* This blogger is presently sporting his sweet denim overalls, beneath of which are a pair of Goomba boxer briefs that he probably grew out of years ago and a Toad tank top that reads, "I'm the best!!"

So! All things considered, let's dive into this thing. Today we're admiring Mario fan art, and our new gallery is comprised of what we feel to be the outstanding work among so many scribbled Mario atrocities on the Internet. We kept this collection mostly limited to hand drawings, digital renders and photographs, which means you won't be seeing any wedding cakes. Now kick back and click through!

*No turtles were harmed during the making of this blog.

It's-a Mario World: Golf Career

Posted Oct 10th 2008 4:22PM by Kenneth Caldwell
Filed under: It's-a Mario World

This past Monday was met with the Virtual Console re-release of Nintendo 64's fairly amazing golf outing, Mario Golf. As you can probably imagine, there are few things that excite us more than a Mario release, and especially so since an aging game such as this one might be overlooked without the VC service. But setting aside our hopeless allegiance, golf is a sport in which Mario has long participated (along with tennis), and today we are clinking glasses with his extensive career on the greens.

The best-known Mario golf games are those developed by Camelot Software Planning as part of their ongoing Mario Golf series, totaling four games to date. While arguably the best in terms of gameplay and all-inclusive Mario thematics (i.e. playable Mushroom Kingdom characters and related powerups), the Mario Golf games were by no means the first to introduce our fair plumber to the course links and a set of irons. Indulge in our new gallery for the full story.

It's-a Mario World: In the fall conference

Posted Oct 3rd 2008 4:19PM by Kenneth Caldwell
Filed under: It's-a Mario World

As you all well know, Nintendo's fall media summit dropped some serious megatons this week. In the wake of a fairly exciting press conference, the Internet is predictably bustling with skeptics reaching for a reason to be angry with Nintendo's business model. But to be fair, Tuesday's presentation sort of displaces the disappointment of E3. So how should we interpret this onrushing flood of Nintendo news? If you have any idea what this feature is about, you know where we're headed.

"But wait," we hear you ask, "is it healthy to filter all of our life experiences through a Mario-centric worldview?" And the answer, fair reader, is yes. Perfectly healthy. So let's begin: Aside from the obvious Mario & Luigi 3, how does our Super Bro factor in to Nintendo's recent news? Direct your attention to this week's gallery in which we process all of this hubbub in terms we know best.

It's a WARIO World: Transformations

Posted Sep 26th 2008 3:26PM by Kenneth Caldwell
Filed under: It's-a Mario World

We couldn't help ourselves--Mario fashion is so last Friday. In case you didn't notice, maybe because you were too busy getting domineered by the formidable boss roster of Mega Man 9, a little game called Wario Land: Shake It! landed at retailers on Tuesday. And you can bet we've been shaking it all week (besides listening to Charles Martinet ham it up, of course). What better way to welcome this momentous release than to dedicate our humble gallery to the big scoundrel himself?

It is appropriate that we have transformed this feature to accommodate Wario's oversized rear end. Transformations are Wario's speciality; whether he is provoked by status-changing characters or influenced by elements of his environment, Wario relies on his many forms to effectively navigate level design. Adopting forms that range from animal to mechanical, this rude evil genius is unquestionably a Master of Disguise. Let's take a look back at the numerous transformations Wario has undergone in our new gallery chock full of yellow, purple and poor manners.

It's-a WARIO World is a weekly feature in which the ubiquity of Nintendo's EVIL GENIUS is celebrated: We'll incessantly ruminate about ~~mustache wax~~ garlic pizza, debate the curious whereabouts of ~~the princess~~ MY treasure and covet troves of gold. Check back here every Friday to find out what strange and wonderful thing has got us ~~tipping our caps~~ shaking our butts.

It's-a Mario World: Final Bosses

Posted Sep 19th 2008 5:18PM by Kenneth Caldwell
Filed under: It's-a Mario World

The workweek is nearly over, which means it's time again to rehash the delightful, if discontinuous, mythology of the Mushroom Kingdom and its many colorful characters. Last week we had you grinding the gears of mini-boss semantics while ogling the usual gallery-candy, and today we want to continue in a similar vein. But let's up the ante, shall we? Who are the real bosses Mario has battled? No more of this egg-spitting mediocrity and three-hit nonsense. Half-assed baddies, step aside.

The road has been long for Mario, and each of his victories have been marked with the defeat of a substantial villain, restoring order to various kingdoms and rescuing their fair and easily kidnapped damsels. The extended Koopa Troop family has long been a threat to the 'stache, but who are these other punitive powers that precede the credit screens? Let's take a gander at final bosses in a new gallery rife with heavyweight evildoing.

It's-a Mario World: Mini-Boss Mayhem

Posted Sep 12th 2008 8:05PM by Kenneth Caldwell
Filed under: It's-a Mario World

Last week we prompted some rich scholarly debate about Bowser's kids, as literally hundreds of comments (precise statistics unverified) argued back and forth as to whether the Koopaling characters are worth a damn. Today we return to pose another question: What are mini-bosses, exactly? Are they, like, regular Koopas after chomping down a few mini-mushrooms? Are they the less-popular bosses who have shrunken from our memories? What is so miniature about a mini-boss? Size? Reputation?

Well, neither, really. A mini-boss might be defined as an antagonist too powerful to be categorized as a standard henchman, yet too weak to provoke any controller-throwing frustration. Much like their more difficult counterparts--area and final bosses--mini-bosses are usually faced in an enclosed, 1-on-1 setting, albeit with considerably less fanfare. With some exceptions, no trumpets sound as they enter, and no medals are award when they are defeated. Mini-bosses occupy a liminal position in villainy as the halfway hurdles of an overarching challenge. Mario has encountered dozens of these types, a few of which have continued their careers as playable characters in sports and party titles. But do you recall the most famous ~~reindeer~~ mini-bosses of all? We hope so, because we've stuffed a piping hot new gallery full of 'em.

It's-a Mario World: Koopa Kids

Posted Sep 5th 2008 12:47PM by Kenneth Caldwell
Filed under: It's-a Mario World

Lately we have found ourselves pondering the Koopa family lineage in all of its complexity. Bowser seems to have outdone himself in the procreation department, but no one seems to know who mothered his children. It seems likely that Princess Peach did at least some of the laboring, given the amount of time she has spent in captivity with Bowser, but Bowletta or Kammy Koopa could have just as easily nursed a Koopaling or two. Details of intimacy between King Koopa and females in the Mushroom Kingdom remain relatively obscured. Regardless, we know that at least 8 children were born to him and his anonymous bedmate(s), with dozens more probably carrying the Koopa genes.

Of course, the Koopa kids first appeared in the famed Super Mario Bros. 3. After two subsequent SNES games they vanished for ten years (excluding games like Hotel Mario, which no one really played anyway) until resurfacing in 2003's Game Boy Advance RPG, Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga, albeit without any dialogue or consequence to the main plot. We are left wondering how they dropped from the radar so abrupty, and why they have recently been condensed into the new Koopaling on the block, Bowser Jr. While such questions might be attributed to ~~marketing and sales~~ the phases of the moon, we can still pay homage to the classic Koopa kids in our new gallery.

It's-a Mario World: In the Batter's Box

Posted Aug 29th 2008 2:37PM by Kenneth Caldwell
Filed under: It's-a Mario World

In case you are a newcomer to the unchecked exuberance characteristic of It's-a Mario World, you should know that we are obsessed with the thematic nuances of the Mushroom Kingdom. From the trivial to the crucial, we like to keep up on what's happening in the Mario universe, particularly since much if its mythology is further developed with each new release. That said, we should no doubt acknowledge the most recent entry into the Mario canon, Mario Super Sluggers.

Because we are incapable of making any objective evaluations of Mario-related content in this feature, this is not our review for Sluggers. Instead, think of this as unwrapping the cellophane. Well, tearing it off. Then rolling around in it just shouting, "Let's-a play ball, woo-hoo!!!" If you're not into that kind of thing, or prefer reading a critical analysis, refer to our official game review (I'm assured it will be up on the site on Monday). Otherwise, spread out your capes and fly to our new gallery, in which we highlight nine characters who make one hell of a batting lineup.

*Note that this gallery features some unlockable content, and therefore possible spoilers. Now, go read it anyway.

It's-a Mario World: The Lost Premises

Posted Aug 22nd 2008 1:51PM by Kenneth Caldwell
Filed under: It's-a Mario World

Being a solitary Mario fanatic is rewarding in its own right, but when the obsession is affirmed by other people, gaming geekery reaches new heights. More cultural icon than game character, Mario has inspired everything from an animated television series to an extremely lengthy scarf. And probably a couple of other things in between, like cakes and stuff. Most recently, though, we've become infatuated with the thriving community over at VGBoxArt.com, a website dedicated to all kinds of game box artwork, both real and imagined.

Barring occasionally subpar Photoshop skills, voluntary contributors to the site's public database have created an interesting collection of box art. Whether it be a reinterpretation of an existing cover or a completely new idea for a game, box art in the Wii category is worth checking out. Of course, the Mario-themed works take precedence in this humble feature, and we've assembled a new gallery showcasing the finer of the bunch. Click on and imagine the Mario games you'll likely never see.

It's-a Mario World: Friends & Allies

Posted Aug 15th 2008 3:40PM by Kenneth Caldwell
Filed under: It's-a Mario World

Oh, hello there! You startled us. For some reason we've been so wrapped up in Wario World for Gamecube lately that we forgot we're supposed to be talking about Wario's goody-goody brother. So what if Wario World is five years old and was somewhat shrugged off by industry critics? How else are we supposed to satisfy our lust for treasure before Wario Land: Shake It arrives stateside? And don't tell us to try playing an actual Wario Land game on Game Boy, because we already did that. Like umpteen times. While jamming out to new music and shouting "WAHHH" to nobody in particular.

Ok, you're right: We have another month and a new Mario sports title before we should be getting too worked up about Wario. So, what is the discussion this week? The last couple of issues focused on persistent and underrated foes, so maybe we should drop all of our sinister, gold-hoarding schemes to acknowledge the friendlier folk of the Mushroom Kingdom. Which characters have helped Mario on his way? Hop over to the gallery and reminisce!

It's-a Mario World: Underrated Foes

Posted Aug 8th 2008 10:59AM by Kenneth Caldwell
Filed under: It's-a Mario World

In our last issue, we spent a lot of time rambling about the recurring foes you know and love (or hate) of Mario games. Popular baddies like Goombas, Piranhas and Koopas have carved out quite a place for themselves in the franchise, such that we've come to expect them anywhere we see Mario himself. Many of these regulars have become playable characters and allies in sports games and spin-offs, which calls into question their allegiances. Some have even started to complain about Bowser and his inadequate coordinating skills. Can you blame them?

Shadowed by these persistent characters, though, are all of the enemies who never went on to become superstars in the latest, greatest Mario titles. All of the foes Mario dashed by without breaking stride, arms out and cape rippling in the wind. The unappreciated foes quickly tail-flicked and never thought of again. Let's give a little limelight to these underrated and overlooked enemies in our newest gallery. Do you remember them? Of course you do...

It's-a Mario World is a weekly feature in which the ubiquity of Nintendo's flagship character is celebrated. We'll incessantly ruminate about mustache wax, debate the curious whereabouts of the princess and covet the luminous power stars strewn about the galaxy. Check back here every week to find out what strange and wonderful thing has got us tipping our caps. If you're looking for more on Mario, then check out the latest edition of Virtually Overlooked.

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Nintendo Wii Fanboy

It's-a Mario World: Super Educational

It's-a Mario World: Yoshi Spinoffs

It's-a Mario World: Curious Costumes

It's-a Mario World: Mushroom Matriarchy

It's-a Mario World: Fan Art

It's-a Mario World: Golf Career

It's-a Mario World: In the fall conference

It's a WARIO World: Transformations

It's-a Mario World: Final Bosses

It's-a Mario World: Mini-Boss Mayhem

It's-a Mario World: Koopa Kids

It's-a Mario World: In the Batter's Box

It's-a Mario World: The Lost Premises

It's-a Mario World: Friends & Allies

It's-a Mario World: Underrated Foes

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